Happiness

My wife have been married one year today. I’ve never been happier and I know that our lives will only get to be better.

To my wife; I adore you. You’re my person. Your love and support are seemingly unending, as is the joy in our life together.

To anyone reading this; here’s three things I’ve learned from a year married to the right person for me.

Embrace the Nonsense

When I got married, my wife and I received a ton of advice.  Far and away the best advice we got was from my friend Josh and his wife Shannon.  Their advice on a happy marriage was simple:  Embrace the nonsense.

Our first year of marriage has been truly blessed.  Even the hard things for us weren’t really that hard in the grand scheme of things.  But what made it great and enjoyable was embracing the nonsense of a mad world.  More than that, we embraced each other’s nonsense.  Life is a lot happier when you laugh with someone else.

Flowers are cheap

I read this in Ben Horowitz‘ awesome book,  The Hard Thing About Hard Things, which I suggest you read too (and buy, because all proceeds go to improving women’s lives around the world).

In his twenties, Ben worked for a hot mess of a start-up.  They were so broke they couldn’t afford air conditioning.  One day, his father came over to watch their kids and asked Ben:

“Do you know what’s cheap?”

Ben had no idea what he was talking about, so of course he said, “No, what’s cheap?”

“Flowers. They are really, really cheap.” Ben’s dad went on.  “Do you know what’s expensive?”

Again, Ben had no idea what his dad was getting at.  “No, what’s expensive?”

“Divorce.”

The point is, in a marriage, the most corrosive thing you can do is put your desires over the needs of the marriage.  Having the right kind of ambition – to have a wonderful marriage – means considering your spouse first.  Making decisions through that prism is not easy – you literally have no practice at it before you have an obligation like marriage.  But simply thinking about how to be the spouse your spouse deserves (and then acting on that) goes a long long way.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts

Being on the same page is not easy or simple to do.  But getting on the same page of what we want together has made our marriage delightful so far.  Because we have the same vision, it makes decisions and actions easier to take.  Because we’re on the same page it’s easier to trust and talk about difficult things.  We get to do things together and it’s a lot less scary.  It’s great because I know I have someone with a different perspective and skills that I can rely on, and getting to be that for someone is really special too.

Happiness, like love,  seems to be more of the acts we take than the attitudes we hold.  I wish you the kind of happiness I’ve been able to find.

 

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